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My reflections on loss and self-discovery through grief

@rejuless

  • Have you ever thought how would you like your loved ones to ‘grieve’ you?

  • Have you ever tried to imagine yourself in a situation where you are grieving? If yes, how do you envision this? what are you doing?

Before losing my dad, I never really tried to ask myself those questions. I think I was probably scared of the topic, scared to even think losing someone could be a possibility. However, once you have lost someone so close to you, you hit reality pretty quick and you are often unprepared for the journey you are about to embrace. It catches you by surprise.

Grieving for me has evolved day by day, month by month. Now, 1 year and 4 months after my dad’s death, there is only one thing that remains almost the same as when it all started: grieving alone. Of course there are times when I am with someone and then grief hits me, but this is not as common as you may think in my case.

Grief has been a self-discovery journey for me. I have learnt so much about myself and also about my dad. Maybe it is part of my personality (and the job I do), where I constantly analyse things over and over, so I often find myself reliving his last months, our conversations and his life story to try to discover new things about each other.

How useful would have been to think about all this when he was alive, when he was here to be a sounding board and give me his side of the story, his story, our story.

So today I want to introduce you to my closest grief companion. I don’t think anything/anyone has seen me reflect, cry, think or just be quiet as much as this one 👇👇

My armchair

For some reason, this corner of my home, gives me the comfort I need whenever I am missing my dad. Almost every morning I have my little ritual on this chair, having a cup of coffee, reading a book. Books are triggering, they make me think a lot about life and things that I did not notice before, but now I do. I don’t mind if they trigger my grief, I prefer to embrace it, as long as I am on this chair I am ok.

However, upon reflection, it has been a trial and error to find what comfort means to me when I am in this state. I know it is part of the journey, but I would have liked to have a bit of guidance from my dad. Now, every time I want to do something special to remember him (like going to the pub he liked), I end up creating these ‘rituals’ from scratch. There is nothing wrong with this, but it makes me wonder…

  • What would he have liked me to do every time I miss him or want to do something special to remember him?

  • He experienced a lot of loses in his life, what would have been his advice?

With this in mind and regardless of your current situation, maybe it is a good opportunity for you to reflect on:

  • Would you appreciate guidance / words of support from your loved ones that you think might help you during grieving?

  • What advice would you want to give to your loved ones when they miss you once you are gone? Is there a special ritual or place you would want them to do/go?

See you next week!

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